Even When It Hurts

Take this mountain weight

Take these ocean tears

Hold me through the trial

Come like hope again

Even when the fight seems lost

I’ll praise You

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Adulting Rants

The only real reasons why you became physically independent are:

1) There is nobody for you to depend upon. You’re forced into it, and there’s nothing you can do about it. 

2) You don’t like being a burden.

3) Being independent is just the better option than being dependent on people who will use it against you and hold you on a leash. 

These can overlap sometimes and it just makes more sense to learn to get on your own two feet. Honestly, you’d be happier. Then people will start becoming dependent on you. Just don’t continue the vicious cycle of number 3. 

Decisions

I’ve always hated making decisions. Especially for myself. There is no turning back once you made it, even if you come to regret it along the way. The responsibility is yours, the burden is yours, the mess is yours. And if you regret it, all everyone would say is, “didn’t you want this?”, further adding salt to the wound. 

Most of the time, I don’t know what I want, or if I even want anything. Making decisions as a group is one thing, but deciding something for yourself, what you want in life, is so daunting. Because you have to pick yourself up, you can’t complain, and you have to persevere on eventhough it would take all of your strength. 

Making someone take the responsibility of a decision alone, when it’s supposed to be shared, is cowardice and selfishness at its best. I should know, because I avoid making decisions all the time knowing the burden for it… at the very least I try not to throw the decision-maker under the water and to bear the consequences together. Can you? Will you? 

The Pride in Truth

If you say something is true, then the opposite must be false. There is a certain ego and sense of superiority that comes with that. For example, if I say that this right junction is the way to the destination, and you say that it’s the one on the left, we’re both insisting that our opinion is true, and the other is false.

However egoistical that is, there must be a truth, mustn’t there? The theory that truth is relative can’t be right, since, according to it, “all truth is relative” and that means that statement itself can be wrong, and so it denies itself. Also, 1+1 can’t be 3.

So what do we do if we sincerely believe that 1+1 is 2, and yet someone else believes that 1+1 is not 2? Then again, the other person may think the same thing, that they believe 1+1 is 2 and we’re the ones that think 1+1 is not 2. How then do we reconcile? Do we concede, saying 1+1 is not 2, for the sake of harmony? What good does it do to say one thing and believe another? …what good does it do to deny the truth?

Then again, what good does it do, to pride yourself that you’re right and the other person is wrong? How do you know if what you believe is the whole truth, and not your own concoction of truth? Even if you do know what is true, how do you stand for the truth and not offend the other person?

My Testimony

I first came to know Christ when I was young, when my aunt had told me about the Good News and I had simply accepted it as a fact that Jesus is God, as she prayed with me in words I didn’t fully understand at that time.

I was then baptised after a few years of attending Sunday school, again only accepting on the surface about who God is based on what I remembered out of Sunday school. It was simply a normal course of action as a second generation Christian.

It wasn’t until when I was teenager that I came to wrestle with the concept of God as I was struggling to establish my own identity. Like many teenagers, I was insecure about my appearance, my achievements and what my peers thought of me. I was shy, reserved and strived hard to be a good kid. I was more than aware about all my ‘flaws’ and weaknesses without needing anyone to tell me, and so the concept of sin and how far I fall short of God’s glory was fairly comprehensible to me as I struggled with my self-worth.

A camp called LifeGame was a turning point in my walk with Christ, where my struggle with the meaning of life and my identity was further fueled. God’s saving grace was presented to me in a different light, which was unfathomable yet humbling because even though I am so underserving of His grace, He has freely given it to me it and there was nothing I could do to earn it. I decided at the end of the camp to surrender my life to Jesus, because Matthew 16: 25 says “for whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it”.

When I begin to root my identity in Christ, He enabled me to serve Him in many different ways and I started seeing a purpose in life. I realised that the hope that God gives not only makes Him worth dying for, but also to live for. Time and time again, He reminded me of His grace which carried me through many seasons of self-doubt.

If I were to pick a verse to summarise my walk with God, it would be 2 Corinthians 12:9 -“But He said to me, โ€œMy grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.โ€ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Christ is more than my salvation – He is also my strength, my hope and my purpose.