Fighting for Joy

You know the emo lonely feeling that you get even when you’re surrounded by people? I’m getting that a lot lately.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy being in Manchester, there’s just something about being in a new place, having to make new friends while missing the ones back home… that makes you feel that way. The past me will want to smack present me if I even whisper the word ‘homesick’, and I thought I was, but I think I’m just merely missing people back home, not necessarily the place. It kinda got to a point where I just wanna stay home and not socialize anymore. The rainy weather didn’t help. Also the time zone difference didn’t help. At all.

Today I went to church, and again the message spoke to me. This happens very frequently, even when He wants to use me to accomplish something. The signs are usually fairly obvious. I feel like God knows how much of a blur and an escapist I am, and He’s just making sure I hear Him loud and clear. Today’s message was about how fighting for joy is a daily battle. I quote from the sermon: “Maybe for you, fighting for joy today means saying ‘hi, how are you?’ to someone”. Sigh. Okay God.

I was reminded of my own ‘preaching’ not long ago on how we should invest in others no matter what it costs us… and I’m not practising it at all. I went to all these events with my classmates and attending church activities without being emotionally there most of the time.

My point is… it is easy to fall into the trap of passively going through life and activities, and numbing yourself to it all. But the fight for joy is a conscious effort, and well, I need to be reminded everyday so here’s this post. Eventhough this is for myself, I hope it makes sense and is also encouraging to you.

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I took this photo myself. Imagine how awkward I look behind the scenes with my left hand extending to take this selfie but trying not to look like I’m taking a selfie. #ruiningitforyou
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So. 

We’ve arrived safe and sound, without so much of a glitch as I initially thought we would. Well the visa delay was a big one but I was ready to accept the fact that I wasn’t gonna go after all, then suddenly I had to mentally prepare myself to leave, all over again. But God has His own timing, I suppose. Was once again put in a position where I could not do anything except wait patiently – which is a humbling, yet strangely calming experience for me.

Was just glad to touch the ground and not move after the 24 hour journey. I puked at the first transit at the Abu Dhabi Airport (don’t worry it was not until I was inside a toilet). After arriving at the accomodation, I thought to myself that being able to sleep in a soft, flat,  and unmoving surface is such a blessing I take for granted – I wouldn’t leave it if it weren’t for classes and all.

I guess I just wanna thank God for all the little blessings along the way… and promise to try and make the most out of it. After all, it is my ‘dream’ right…? Sigh. I know, “what is there to complain right now, you spoiled brat?” Nope, nothing at all.

Going back to the update, the Airbnb is great, the university is great, the lecturer is amazing, and my new friends are all Malaysians. Lol. It’s just purely some invisible gender separation thing in class… all the Malaysians are girls, btw.

I miss everybody back home… I hope you’re doing well and wish I packed you in my luggage with me. ❤