For Love

The lyrics and the calligraphy ❤

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Intentions Pt.2 

If intentions were enough, you would’ve opened your door when I knocked upon it. 

If intentions were enough, I would’ve been able to reach out to your dark place instead of being shunned out. 

If intentions were enough, I would’ve kept on knocking. 

But how much of use would it be?

So I will wait. Until you fought the battle that you must face. Not alone, never alone. He is with you. And me, on the other side of the door, waiting. 

Intentions

If intentions are enough, I would be doing the right things the right way, regardless.

If intentions are enough, I would be able to comfort the broken-hearted without saying or doing anything. 

If intentions are enough, I would be able to feed the hungry by merely clicking the ‘like’ button.

If intentions are enough, I would be able to avoid misunderstandings even if wrong words were used at the wrong time. 

If intentions are enough, I would be forgiven quickly by just apologizing over texts. 

If intentions are enough, we would be able to hear each other despite the noise and emotions, or even silence. 

If intentions are enough, you would know how much I care, even if I’m far away. 

But intentions are never enough, are they? Not for me. Not for you. 

The Stale Introvert

I know what you’re thinking. “Ugh, not one of those ‘boohoo I’m an introvert, nobody understands me sobs sobs’ kinda post.”

Believe me, I’m sick and tired of it too, eventhough I probably am one. God knows how many other people are sick and tired of me mentioning it as well. Yes, I’m talking about you. #youknowwhoyouare #idontblameyou

“So why on earth are you writing a blogpost about it?” Oh, we’ll get there, if you haven’t stopped reading by now.

You see, I was one of those who will read as many articles about ’27 problems only introverts will understand’ or ‘Signs you’re an INFJ’, and go on to shove the article in the face of a few close people in my life to ‘help them understand me better’. A while later I did one of those tests again and it says I’m an ISTP. Like any sane person, I continued to re-do the quiz in an INFJ mentality as many times as possible to get the outcome I wanted and hang on to the feeble hope that I hadn’t lose my ‘identity’. 

But to be honest, I don’t always like being an introvert. I admired people who are able to strike up conversations with strangers effortlessly. I wished, on many occassions, that I would be able to feed on people’s energy and not get tired or obsess over a mere failed conversation. Then again, people will tell you that’s not what being an extrovert is either. There’s also the hipster ‘ambiverts’ – equal in proportion of intraversion and extraversion – basically neither here nor there. 

Some of my friends will even tell you that I’m clearly an extrovert. I like to laugh it off and let them think that way, because it’s a compliment to me. But my family and close friends will say otherwise. These days I’m even doubting my love language. It used to be both ‘quality time’ and ‘physical touch’, but now (as much as I hate to admit), ‘words of affirmation’ is starting to affect me a lot. But that’s for another blogpost.

My point is, the important thing isn’t who you are, but who God is, and how having that knowledge of Him reflects in your life, regardless of who you are at any given point in time. Because people change all the time. God doesn’t. 

So don’t be so hung up on whatever the world tells you you are. Don’t even be hung up on who you think you are. Strive for self-forgetfulness. Strive to be what He wants you to be. Be loving, be joyful, be peaceful, be patient, be kind, be all that is good, be faithful, be gentle, and be self-controlled (Galatians 5:22). 

The Escapist

She sees arguments, she sees fights. She hears them through the walls and cries to herself. She sees how damaging they are and makes a recipe for a relationship where both parties can’t stand being in the same room with each other. She shuts it out. She runs.

She grows up and see more of those. People drifting apart after a silly little drama. She will not be one of them. Feuds can be easily solved by avoiding arguments, she thinks. Just go with the flow, agree or stay silent. No disagreements, no confrontations. Avoidance is key. She runs.

She witnesses good people harbour hate and spread poisonous gossips to hurt each other. She resolves to be neutral just so she won’t be on anyone’s bad side. Don’t get too close, and nobody will be hurt. She is loved, but not deeply. She is known, but probably on the surface. Problems presented themselves to her, and she knows not what to do. Pick a side? Which side? How to not offend anyone? She runs. It helps, temporarily.

She sees two people hug it out after an argument. But how? The word ‘reconcile’ seems so alien to her. She muses over it. She hears them say that they love because He first loved them. But isn’t it better to just avoid confrontations in the first place, so you don’t have to do the reconciling part? It’s the easier way out. She continues to drift among the crowd, never stepping on anyone’s toes. She runs.

She gets angry sometimes, but no, she will not confront. She shuts her door and contain the anger in these four walls. But often she’s most frustrated at herself and how far from perfect she is. She gets down on her knees. She hears the word ‘forgiveness’. Yes, but how? They don’t deserve forgiveness. She definitely doesn’t. “I forgive you”, He says. “I died once and for all to save you, that’s how you are forgiven and should forgive others too, because it’s never about being deserving”. She stops.

She hears a knock on her door. She turns around. She opens her door. Her body shivers, her hands shake.  “I’m sorry,” he says. His gaze pierces through and shatters her fears. “I’m sorry, too” she hears herself say, and they hug. They become stronger together. She is tempted, sometimes, and her fears overwhelm her… but she is determined not to run again.