I Do

Today was baptism day at church, and even though I have witnessed baptism more times than I can count, it still gets me every time. There’s just something that tugs at my heartstrings when somebody gets drenched and then lifted up victoriously from the water, for reasons unexplainable with words.

“Do you take Jesus as your personal Lord and Saviour?”

“I do.”

These words are always uttered during baptism, but it hit me recently that that’s the greatest ‘I do’ anyone can ever confess in their lifetime, and I’m so glad that I did, that the other ‘I do’ associated with wedding ceremonies seems so insignificant compared to this (they say ‘I will’ at weddings these days anyway). 

If the day does come that I get to say those two words at my own wedding ceremony, that would be great; but the knowledge that I have said yes to the God whose love will never fail me and who I will be with for eternity, surpasses all other joy that I have ever experienced.

At that moment it really didn’t matter to me if, by God’s will, I don’t get to utter those words ever again, as I already have said ‘I do’ to the greatest Love of my life, and that’s enough for me. 

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” (Philippians 3:8)

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Intentions Pt.2 

If intentions were enough, you would’ve opened your door when I knocked upon it. 

If intentions were enough, I would’ve been able to reach out to your dark place instead of being shunned out. 

If intentions were enough, I would’ve kept on knocking. 

But how much of use would it be?

So I will wait. Until you fought the battle that you must face. Not alone, never alone. He is with you. And me, on the other side of the door, waiting. 

Intentions

If intentions are enough, I would be doing the right things the right way, regardless.

If intentions are enough, I would be able to comfort the broken-hearted without saying or doing anything. 

If intentions are enough, I would be able to feed the hungry by merely clicking the ‘like’ button.

If intentions are enough, I would be able to avoid misunderstandings even if wrong words were used at the wrong time. 

If intentions are enough, I would be forgiven quickly by just apologizing over texts. 

If intentions are enough, we would be able to hear each other despite the noise and emotions, or even silence. 

If intentions are enough, you would know how much I care, even if I’m far away. 

But intentions are never enough, are they? Not for me. Not for you. 

The Escapist

She sees arguments, she sees fights. She hears them through the walls and cries to herself. She sees how damaging they are and makes a recipe for a relationship where both parties can’t stand being in the same room with each other. She shuts it out. She runs.

She grows up and see more of those. People drifting apart after a silly little drama. She will not be one of them. Feuds can be easily solved by avoiding arguments, she thinks. Just go with the flow, agree or stay silent. No disagreements, no confrontations. Avoidance is key. She runs.

She witnesses good people harbour hate and spread poisonous gossips to hurt each other. She resolves to be neutral just so she won’t be on anyone’s bad side. Don’t get too close, and nobody will be hurt. She is loved, but not deeply. She is known, but probably on the surface. Problems presented themselves to her, and she knows not what to do. Pick a side? Which side? How to not offend anyone? She runs. It helps, temporarily.

She sees two people hug it out after an argument. But how? The word ‘reconcile’ seems so alien to her. She muses over it. She hears them say that they love because He first loved them. But isn’t it better to just avoid confrontations in the first place, so you don’t have to do the reconciling part? It’s the easier way out. She continues to drift among the crowd, never stepping on anyone’s toes. She runs.

She gets angry sometimes, but no, she will not confront. She shuts her door and contain the anger in these four walls. But often she’s most frustrated at herself and how far from perfect she is. She gets down on her knees. She hears the word ‘forgiveness’. Yes, but how? They don’t deserve forgiveness. She definitely doesn’t. “I forgive you”, He says. “I died once and for all to save you, that’s how you are forgiven and should forgive others too, because it’s never about being deserving”. She stops.

She hears a knock on her door. She turns around. She opens her door. Her body shivers, her hands shake.  “I’m sorry,” he says. His gaze pierces through and shatters her fears. “I’m sorry, too” she hears herself say, and they hug. They become stronger together. She is tempted, sometimes, and her fears overwhelm her… but she is determined not to run again.

Enough.

Have you ever feel like everybody expects so much from you, that you keep trying to please them all, but nothing you do seems enough?

You tried, you really tried. You’ve never really complained, because we are to give more than we take right? But still, it’s never enough for them. Then you grow tired, and you can only compromise so much… and all you want is to be left alone.

What then, will you do? What then, can you do?