It’s crazy how the person dearest to you have the power to hurt you the most. 

It’s crazier when they actually do it and you fall into a deep dark abyss that you didn’t know existed. 


Very British Things

So the Brits are well known to be very polite, and eventhough I have British cousins I didn’t expect the level of politeness to be so… over the top. I mean, I thought it was very polite of my cousins to say ‘please’ all the time (usually for second helpings of food lol) but now I’m starting to wonder if they were being sarcastic sometimes. Tell me you weren’t, Kev.

Anyway, there were three instances that happened in a day where I was left feeling… kinda flattered but stunned?

1) Was heading down from my flat to get to the reception to collect my parcel, and bumped into this guy carrying a very heavy-looking vacuum cleaner, so I just helped keep the elevator doors opened (like anybody else would, seeing as his hands were occupied) and he said, appreciatively, “ah, thank you so much”. No problem at all. When we reached the exit doors, I again, held them open ahead of him and he said “thank you so much, you’re a star“, …I just didn’t know what to reply so I didn’t.

2) Reached the reception, and requested for my parcel and provided identification, whereby the receptionist, Sharon (oh yes, we are on first name basis), chatted to me about how she has a Malaysian friend and remembers that her friend also has both English and Chinese names like me, and she proceeded to tell me “you have a beautiful name“. I managed to reply “oh, thank you” with my best flattered face and left the reception confused as to which name of mine she was referring to.

3) Tried to use the live chat feature for my mobile operator to find out why my mobile data isn’t working and as Sheeba, an employee, started asking me the basics like my phone number and the model of my phone, which I answered, she replied: “That’s a very nice phone 🙂“. Yes with a smiley lol. Because my mobile data wasn’t working well, I unintentionally left the chat halfway through her questions with my problem unresolved. I did feel like it was quite rude of me and tried to reconnect but to no avail. Oh well.

I would have very much liked to respond in a way that showed my appreciation, but I was just caught off guard most of the time, that I didn’t know how to.  I did manage to compliment someone on how young she looked (when she said she was working, not studying, like I assumed) and she was genuinely flattered. I might be getting the hang of this. Just working on how to respond. Will keep you keep updated on my progress the next time.

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The Manchester Town Hall, captured during the Food and Drink Festival


Have you ever feel like everybody expects so much from you, that you keep trying to please them all, but nothing you do seems enough?

You tried, you really tried. You’ve never really complained, because we are to give more than we take right? But still, it’s never enough for them. Then you grow tired, and you can only compromise so much… and all you want is to be left alone.

What then, will you do? What then, can you do?

Fighting for Joy

You know the emo lonely feeling that you get even when you’re surrounded by people? I’m getting that a lot lately.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy being in Manchester, there’s just something about being in a new place, having to make new friends while missing the ones back home… that makes you feel that way. The past me will want to smack present me if I even whisper the word ‘homesick’, and I thought I was, but I think I’m just merely missing people back home, not necessarily the place. It kinda got to a point where I just wanna stay home and not socialize anymore. The rainy weather didn’t help. Also the time zone difference didn’t help. At all.

Today I went to church, and again the message spoke to me. This happens very frequently, even when He wants to use me to accomplish something. The signs are usually fairly obvious. I feel like God knows how much of a blur and an escapist I am, and He’s just making sure I hear Him loud and clear. Today’s message was about how fighting for joy is a daily battle. I quote from the sermon: “Maybe for you, fighting for joy today means saying ‘hi, how are you?’ to someone”. Sigh. Okay God.

I was reminded of my own ‘preaching’ not long ago on how we should invest in others no matter what it costs us… and I’m not practising it at all. I went to all these events with my classmates and attending church activities without being emotionally there most of the time.

My point is… it is easy to fall into the trap of passively going through life and activities, and numbing yourself to it all. But the fight for joy is a conscious effort, and well, I need to be reminded everyday so here’s this post. Eventhough this is for myself, I hope it makes sense and is also encouraging to you.

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I took this photo myself. Imagine how awkward I look behind the scenes with my left hand extending to take this selfie but trying not to look like I’m taking a selfie. #ruiningitforyou


We’ve arrived safe and sound, without so much of a glitch as I initially thought we would. Well the visa delay was a big one but I was ready to accept the fact that I wasn’t gonna go after all, then suddenly I had to mentally prepare myself to leave, all over again. But God has His own timing, I suppose. Was once again put in a position where I could not do anything except wait patiently – which is a humbling, yet strangely calming experience for me.

Was just glad to touch the ground and not move after the 24 hour journey. I puked at the first transit at the Abu Dhabi Airport (don’t worry it was not until I was inside a toilet). After arriving at the accomodation, I thought to myself that being able to sleep in a soft, flat,  and unmoving surface is such a blessing I take for granted – I wouldn’t leave it if it weren’t for classes and all.

I guess I just wanna thank God for all the little blessings along the way… and promise to try and make the most out of it. After all, it is my ‘dream’ right…? Sigh. I know, “what is there to complain right now, you spoiled brat?” Nope, nothing at all.

Going back to the update, the Airbnb is great, the university is great, the lecturer is amazing, and my new friends are all Malaysians. Lol. It’s just purely some invisible gender separation thing in class… all the Malaysians are girls, btw.

I miss everybody back home… I hope you’re doing well and wish I packed you in my luggage with me. ❤

Worth it.

I think the reason why we’re so emotionally numb, is because we’re afraid others wouldn’t share the same ‘feels’ and we’re left wondering if we’ve been too emotionally invested. We then decide it’s not worth the effort anymore. 

But we’re missing the point if we invest to expect a direct return to ourselves; because you never know the kind of impact you can make in someone else’s life, and that’s the kind of return that “neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”